22 January 2013

Post-Abortive and Gay? There is Help!

Abortion is a trauma, not just on our culture as a whole, but on the women who have chosen abortion, and the women who've had it chosen for them. And some of these women have gay orientation/same-sex attraction.

When a gay woman who is part of the larger Gay community suffers ill effects related to a past abortion--- depression, suicidal thoughts, overpowering grief on seeing a child the age their child would have been--- she may feel especially alone. There is not much support for a pro-life point of view in the larger Gay community.

Also, most healing-and-help groups for the post-abortive are Christian ministries, or are at least predominantly Christian. And anyone who has ever been part of the Gay community knows how Christian ministries are perceived--- homophobic hate groups.

But the plain fact is that there is hope even for post-abortive women that are Gay. Traditionally Christian groups today have had a long time to adjust to the existence of openly Gay persons in the world. They may not agree with what is happening in your private life--- just as they don't agree about their daughter living-in-sin with a boyfriend--- but they feel no need to preach about these things when you come to them and say "I need help."

There is a ministry called Rachel's Vineyard founded by a woman with a PhD. It is now part of the Priests for Life prolife organization--- yes, they are Catholic. Rachel's Vineyard offers weekend retreats for those impacted by abortion.

The Silent No More Awareness Campaign is something you may have seen if you've caught the very rare media clips of the March for Life or other major prolife events--- they are women holding up signs that say 'I regret my abortion', and men whose signs say 'I regret lost fatherhood'.  This organization is a place to tell your abortion story and find others who have been through it.

If you are shy about opening up in a Christian group full of straight people, there are ministries for Gay people such as Courage International. Courage is a Catholic ministry helping people cope with their 'same-sex attraction'. They don't demand that you call yourself 'ex-gay' (though they don't like the 'g' word for some reason), or ask you to aim at a goal of heterosexual marriage. If you go to a Courage group and say 'hey, I've had an abortion and I need help coping with it,' I'm sure you will find someone who can help.

Now, you may feel that you can't turn to Christian groups like this for help because they believe Gay people are called to live chaste lives and you have no intention of making THAT commitment any time soon. Well, I wish there were good healing programs for post-abortive Gay women out there for you. The problem is that there just aren't that many folks that combine the ideas of 'Gay sex is OK' with the idea 'Abortion has bad emotional side effects'--- if you can find such a group or create one, you are one of the lucky ones.

You may need to turn to Christian groups like those mentioned above, and just tell yourself you are NOT going to be worried about the things you and the ministry don't agree about. They are there to help, they want to help, and you need help. Give them a chance to help you. If it doesn't work out, consider it one of those educational life experiences we all have.

One issue not as much talked about is the issue of post-abortive men. Men go through grief and emotional trauma due to the abortions of their children--- even if they were the ones that wanted the abortion.

For a Gay man it may be even harder to seek help for the problems of being post-abortive. In the liberal/progressive world of the Gay community, abortion is not only always good, it's only about the woman, and a good man has nothing to say about it.

Both of the ministries mentioned above, Rachel's Vineyard and Silent No More, work with post-abortive men as well as women, and can help you. Please consider turning to them.

As you cope with this issue, do not despair. You may not see it, you may feel you are all alone with it and nobody would ever care. You may feel that if they heard YOUR story, they would judge you harshly. That's not true. There are people out there (like me) who do care, who pray for you and for your healing, and who want to help. And, whether you want to believe it or not, Jesus Christ cares. He loves, and He suffered death on the cross so YOU could be healed of your post-abortion trauma and every other emotional ill.

1 comment:

  1. Excellent blog post! You have done a great service! Everyone who has experienced an abortion should have warm and loving help offered to her or him.

    By the way, we Catholics prefer "same sex attraction" because it describes what we *have* - an attraction to people of the same gender - instead of saying our attractions are something we *are.* I have an attraction to people of both genders. This doesn't define me; I'm not "gay." I'm not defined by what my lady-parts find exciting.

    We think it's kind of dehumanizing to label someone based on something like that.

    (Speaking strictly for myself and nobody else, I find it annoying when folks label themselves and/or others based on how dark- or light-complected someone is. "Black" or "white?" Give me a break! *Every* human being is God's Image Bearer! Every person bears His mark and is fully beautiful just because God made all of us! So any time I hear a label for people - like we can all be shoved into some kind of little box - I get annoyed. So, yeah, I admit I prefer same-sex attraction over gay.)

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